halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
