How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We left the knife in your bed.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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