whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
