Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My dad just said "fuck circus"
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