I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
