You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
