Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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