You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize