so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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