I'm jealous of your bromance
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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