Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
