Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
