dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
