We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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