but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
