Please, let me fuck your mom
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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