dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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