She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
