just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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