i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
