Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
