Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
