did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
