"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
farters have to be the big spoon...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
