Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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