It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
