oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
