it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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