you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
