So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i wish my penis had a tongue
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
