I accidentally burped into my bong.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
