I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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