we made out on top of his cat.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize