Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
