I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
