He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
