just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
