I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
