Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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