Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
as a side note pls kill me
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
