We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize