meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
