You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
