I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
