Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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