we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize