My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
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