No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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