dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
