It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
