walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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