OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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