I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
