help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
