my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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