There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize