I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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