I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
