My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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