You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
