It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
