I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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