def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
