I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woke up backwards on a recliner
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
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