I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
