in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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