I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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