no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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