id be glad to
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
