Im at strip club and am horny
oh god the rape fog is back!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
