here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
