It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
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