its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize