So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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