one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
