he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
