when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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