We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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