Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
