i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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