btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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