The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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