i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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