I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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