i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I fill condoms, not promises.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Randomize
