i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i will never coherently bang her
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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