Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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