it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
