Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
