i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
