Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize