thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
